When I'd love to get back to 1991

Today I turned 23. My older brother turned 37. We were born on the same day. 6th of December. I always get confused if it's about age. If I'd have to live this life again, I'd change things, but not important things that may affect my entire life. I would be more open from the very beginning. I would be more optimistic, look at the things as they are and as they happen to me. People say it's easy to live good. I say it's hard to find your way. The best way to fit in the society. To be loved. To love your life. I thought days before that I won't get too many messages, wishes and any good words for my birthday, cause as you're getting away from your old 'friends', not from every but some, you're getting forgotten. I discovered some people in my life who did that to me even if I still remembered them. So it goes...
Today I've got a birthday message from Idaho. From Chicago...and also severel others from Hungary. Quite much. And the most interesting point that I got more than a year ago. Much more. I say it's because I'm more open, more friendly and gazing to know a buncs of new people every single day. I think it's the good way.

Time stopped, free will is useless

Nowadays I have arguments with her. It's like she's got crazy. About her job, she's been kind of new there, been working for circa 2 months. I've heard that she, you know, everyone's a gossip. And her words got into the CEO's hears. I've told hold what would be the right thing to do. Nothing else. I was quite, calm, I gave smart advices. After 3 days on arguing it seems that didn't work out for her. She tries to find an other job...and she's just, I don't know, unable to communicate. I'm against her thought. Maybe all the yelling and such things are because of our age. She's older, way older and must have been smarter...
But I don't know, cause I'm a grew up and I can think about future and work as a down to earth person. I always sum up all the possibilities before I do anything. The good ones and the bad ones, too. I think I became mature enough. Seems like as she's getting older, it's harder to make her realize the right way in a random situation. I don't know it will lead me, or us but I really hope that everythig's gonna turn back to normal. It used to after each of our whoop-de-doos. I'm really depressed and feel like I can't do anything, maybe it's the first time in my life when I feel myself and my actions useless. I try to handle my disconcerted thoughts.

Ps: Replace She with my mom.

Time has stopped for the first time. And I've been just sitting on the same bench for days.

Fore words

I've been signed to different language learning sites, because of my addiction to English. There is this InterPals. The one that I've been belonging for such a year now. It's not the best choice to learn there, not at all. I know what makes it so 'catchy'. This is that you can see the people's faces, read their likes and dislikes. It makes the site like a brochure which you can choose your types from. Kind of a dating place. And why should I have to be decided by my appearence? Earthlings always decide by what they see. To this time, I had a very honest, and clear but long and maybe way too disturbing self-description there as a biography. This says the way I am. No false words. Now I'm going to take it off but as a record for the upcoming years I'll leave it on here. From this autobiography (which is unedited) you'll know why I call myself an avid thinker. Here it goes:

'Hey. My name is Balázs (pronounce it like fromage, way easier). I'm actually 22, living in Central Europe in a country which is often referred as Hungary. I'm pretty shy, romantic and childlike in some way. I'm sort of a homebody and a realist plus I'm only 5.6 ft.
Most of the time I just come, read your profile and go on. It's not your fault, I just fear to make any move first. Sorry. And sure some days I used to be a stalker like everyone. All you can expect is a simple guy. I think this will lead me to end up like a loser.
Everyone knows most people are boring and easily get bored, whatever it means in general. I don't wanna be blinded by lies, and for sure I'm not gonna say anything that is not me. We live in the same world, have the same situations to get over. Despite all the possible sh*t that I was just writing down and all the seeming rudeness that I may have shown I'm a nice person if you get to know me. Be open, honorable and look at life as it's happening to you not as media shows you.
I believe that not the "I'm a bit crazy and different" expressions make you special and interesting. Actually most of them are lies.
I've been not collecting anything since my childhood, neither here the persons, often called as friends.'